he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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