Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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