Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
