God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Duck Duck Cougar?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
