Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
