The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
