yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
