smell my finger.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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