wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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