Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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