also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
