Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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