Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize