You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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