I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
