Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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