Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
