Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
