okay pat passed out under dana's car
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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