You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
