I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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