i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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