my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
