i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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