The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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