Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
