i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
