remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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