There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
