you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
