you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
