I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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