you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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