so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize