the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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