consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
