I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
