i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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