I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
