I met the friendliest cop last night
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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