I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
