Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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