Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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