Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
