My balls are so social today.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
