I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
