just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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