He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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