You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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