I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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