Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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