I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
