I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
