Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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