Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
