shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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