Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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