she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
